Posted by Barbanne on March 24, 1999 at 15:44:54:
OK folks, here's the ongoing misadventures of the necro mortician of Deadwood.
THE DEADWOOD FUNERAL PARLOUR. DANCE HALL GALS.
What a dreadful fate!
He came home drunk. I mean as a skunk, stinken drunk and mean and nasty and just in a filthy mood. He grabbed a bottle of tequila and swallowed half of it on top of a gutful of rye whisky and then he started hollering. I was in bed, hoping he'd forget all about me. Covers over my head, shivering and shaking and listening to him rant and rave, clear as a bell, through all those layers of bedclothes.
I heard him stomping up stairs and then he threw my door open, can't lock 'em see, and in he came preceded by a huge gust of sour fumes. He dragged the sheets and blankets down and dragged me outta bed, naked and screeching. No use pretending I was asleep. He backhanded me and I spun across the room like a ballerina on tippy toe and my head slammed into the wall and bounced. I was hollering and howling my eyes out and he fetched me another lick that caught the side of my face and I knew I was gonna have a bruise as big as Texas and I couldn't get away cause he had his hand wound in my hair and he whacked me again and I saw stars and my legs buckled and I went jelly limp and sagged down. He whacked me another one and it caught the point of my chin and my head bounced off the floor boards and I was done. I wasn't even screaming anymore, just sobbing fit to bust. Then he loosened his breeches and spread my legs and climbed aboard. It wasn't the first time he'd used me and it wouldn't be the last. Not, that is, unless I did something. I lay there and it was all over in seconds and he really hurt me. I felt like I might be bleeding but I wasn't game to look. Then he hauled off and bashed me again and I felt my nose pop and blood poured out. Then he farted and belched and gagged and threw up all over me, coating me in his stinken vomit.
I lay there and wished I was dead.
Not sexy dead like in my fantasies, dead as in not around anymore.
I couldn't stop crying and the vomit was sliding down my breasts and tummy and oozing between my legs and armpits. He staggered off and I heard him hit his bed and the springs screeched in protest and then he started snoring. My golly was he snoring!
I got up and went down and washed myself clean. My lip was split and my nose was loose-ish and I was just dribbling some pinky blood from my pussy. I had a black bruise covering one side of my face and getting blacker by the minute and some of my hair had been ripped out and I had bruises forming on my forehead and upper breasts.
I hated him. HATED him!!!!
I went back and cleaned up the mess of his vomit and my blood off the bedroom floor and put on a nightie. I never wore nighties unless I had to get the bread or milk of a morning and opening the front door in my nightie got Jacob the delivery boy sweating anyway, if I'd opened it in the buffo he woulda been in real trouble.
I came back upstairs.
Paw was snoring like to bring down the ceiling. I thought I saw some smoke under his door.
"Fire!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Now I gotta tell ya, Paw feared fire more than any other human being I ever met.
"Fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screeched through his door.
"Agh agh agh," snooore, "agh agh agh..................where?" he yelled and he came rushing out of his room dressed in his vomit stained long johns and I think he had pissed himself as well.
Well, it just so happened that at that moment I'd had to get down on hands and knees to look for a button I was sure had come off my nightie.
"Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh....................." goes Paw and whacko he kicked me in the ribs something awful and I was gonna have another bruise and he stumbled and fell over me and hit the railing, told him he shoulda fixed it and it give out and over went Paw, right off that top landing.
"Eeeeeeeeeeerrrccchhhhhhhhh.........................." He goes and then he hits the floor head first and his neck goes SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
"Paw?" I says and I runs down stairs like a dutiful dotter. But, sad to say he was dead. Yep, deader than a post. Dead as a day old dog that's been runned over.
I ran for the Doc and the sheriff. Got up a bit of a gallop and my nightie reached thigh high just as Jacob was sticking his head out of the door before setting out for his morning run. Made him gulp and sweat some. Didn't have no panties on I recalled.
Doc and the sheriff came back with me but Paw was still pretty dead when we got there. Doc looked at the condition of me and looked at Paw and him and the sheriff talked quiet and then they said it was pretty obvious it were an accident.
"Well Barbanne," says Doc, "Reckon you know what to do with a corpse."
I was snivelling like. You know upset my Paw was daid.
Doc says, "Girl, come down later to my office and I'll fix your face up. Suppose you walked into a door?"
"How'd you know?"
"I'm sorry about your Paw. You'll miss him I suppose."
"Yeah sure, I will."
"Yeah you will. I'm sure."
It was daylight now so I got Paw into the laying out room, then dressed and went down to Doc's. He fixed my nose and plastered it and put salve on my bruises and made me take off my dress while him and Mrs Doc looked over my battered naked body. She clucked a lot and he hummed and hawed and he put ointment on there too.
"Will you be alright child?" He said.
"Your to come here whenever you want Barbanne." She said.
"Thanks heaps." I said.
I went back to the funeral parlour.
I laid Paw out and cleaned him up some. Got him done, washed and pressed his old suit and got him into it and laid him out in a coffin. Ever'body in town came to his funeral and all them ladies and some of them gents looked at my face which looked like I'd lost a fifteen rounder to John L Sullivan. They clucked and exchanged talk behind hankies and stuff. Paw got buried. Extra deep. I made sure of that.
It was all mine.
Deadwood Funeral Parlour was all mine.
'Bout a month later I got my first customers. Dance hall gals....and I was nearly one of 'em, the customers that is, not the dance hall gals. Let me tell you.
Over to the saloon there was this show every night and these gals danced up a storm in pink fluffy costumes that had bare shouldered tops and frilly skirts and just heaps of satin and stuff. It was much appreciated by the patrons and the gals got some extra work offers for afterwards on account of a combination of booze filled bellies and satin knickers and high kicking legs.
A couple of the gals lived in town including Madeleine who sort of organised the shows and hired and employed the other gals. Most of them though was itinerants who just blew into town, danced, blew a few guys and blew out again. I woulda liked to be one of them dancers of a night, but when I approached Madeleine who was a really old lady, crikes she must have been nearly forty years old, she just smiled and said "Barbanne honey, apart from you are somewhat younger than I approve of in my gals, you also come in sort of smelling of dead folks and my patrons don't really get turned right on by that sweetie."
Well, on account of I don't drink likker and surely hate a man who does, I didn't have a lot of cause to go to the saloon. But I was there this one night on account of I'd occasionally go in and watch the show from the back and it was while doing that that I met Nancye. Nancye was an itinerant blow in and she and I locked eyes as she was kicking the roof down and sorta smiled at each other and that led to me going back to the dressing room, wow what a place that was! Taffeta, satin, pink high heeled shoes, quart bottles of whusky and naked ladies, titties, asses, tummies, body odour and whacko pink high heeled shoes and hair and gals, gals, gals! Nancye called me over and introduced herself to me and introduced me to the other ladies, Rose and Gerda and Sassy and Pussy.
I was gobsmacked.
Then Nancye asked me to meet her after the show and took me for a feed and then she asked me back to her room in the hotel and I just tagged along like a regular dance hall goupie and then the next thing I know, Nancye who's like in her twenties has me down on her bed and she's a tearing my clothes off and I'm not fighting it and then she's nude and I'm nude and she's on top of me and doing things to me I hadn't imagined could happen and, truth to tell, I'm loving it and then Nancye gets her hand and her fingers is down there where I sometimes play games with myself and she's putting my fingers in her the same and she's crooning at me to stroke her clit and I'm doing it and she's doing me and we're a wet mess and "Oh migod!" its fabulous.
Well, I decided I loved Nancye and she surely liked me.
Every night after the show she'd call me on over to her room. Sometimes I'd have to wait while she did things with men from the town, but eventually we'd end up on that big old bed of her'n and we'd just pleasure each other, lady to lady.
I truly loved Nancye.
So this one terrible night, there was Nancye and me in her room.
She was getting dressed for her show and I was lying in that bed of her'n, stark naked and just been finger fucked, and I was lookin' at her as she dressed. Her smooth, cute ass and her long, long legs, and her bouncy young elastic breasts and wishing she'd do me again and then she comes over with feathers bobbing and kisses me on first, the left nipple, then the right nipple and then the lips which I had wide apart and drooly and she says, "Barbanne, my little sex kitten, you just stay right there and I'll be back as soon as I've flashed my fanny at this lot downstairs."
"With half the town in tow." I says, bitchy, whiny and jealous like. I'm a shitty, spite filled, malicious little juvenile bitch at times.
"Not tonight baby. Tonight I've got girlie meat to eat!"
She licks her lips like she's looking at tender roast chicken.
And then she laughs and pecks my upturned mouth again and with a flounce of satiny ruffles and feathers she's gone.
I lay there and considered fingering myself again, but wanted to keep it for Nancye. I lay back and closed my eyes and let her fill my dreams.
I must have kipped off for a few minutes.
I bounced awake and shot up straight and hit my head like whammo on the bed head and saw stars and fell back and sat up again.
I could hear gunfire!
I catapaulted outta bed and wrapped Nancye's robe around me and flung open the door and ran downstairs like all in one movement.
The saloon was full of smoke and the patrons was peering out from under the tables and the barkeep and some other guy was wrestling with a drunken customer and holding his hand which had a smoking gun dangling from the fingers and on the stage three of the dance hall gals was down. I zoomed down the stairs, two at a time. The drunk pulled clear and the gun fired. Awful loud, like a howitzer in that enclosed space. The men grabbed the drunk again. A wind fanned my tummy and I stopped as though shot. I looked downwards and saw the robe had a huge hole in one side and I had a red crease across the left side of my ribs. It started oozing blood. I pulled the robe together and ran on down to where the gals lay, coming in from behind the curtains stage left.
One was moaning.
The other two was deathly still.
I recognised the feathers.
One was Nancye..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...........not moving!
I rushed to her.
Lifted her up.
She'd been shot between the breasts, her beautiful, beautiful breasts. Blood was everywhere. It was gushing from her mouth. Her blood covered me, soaked the front of my gown and ran down my tummy. I knew she was dead!
I opened my mouth and screamed like a demented, totally mad woman.
Then I rocked back, felt cold, rolled my eyes skywards and fainted.
Doc brought me around with a huge whiff of smelling salts. He'd been called in to help and had found Nancye and Pussy dead and Sassy dying. No-one knew why the drunk had started shooting, except maybe some folks thought he'd spoke to Nancye and she'd blown him away. I knew why. She was coming back to me. Then he'd gotten his gun out and blown her away and Sassy and Pussy for good measure.
And he'd nearly blown me away too!
Doc found me down and out and covered in blood and lying on my back with the robe opened and naked underneath and displaying all of my girlish charms for anyone to see. Doc reckoned I was another deadun and started on me last, after Sassy died. That was when he found out it was Nancye's blood all over me and underneath it all I was alive. He wondered what I was doing there, how comes I was near nekkid and why I was distraught over Nancye to that extent. Missus Doc rocked up and took him aside and blew in his ear and the upshot was they dragged me home to their place and gave me hot cocoa and put me to bed and then Doc and Missus Doc gave me a good talkin' to about young gals who have unnatural desires and stuff and how a kid my age should be living in a stable family home. I nodded and stuff, but my big night out had been too much and I snored off in the middle of the lecture.
Next morning they gave me breakfast and another lecture and I whined and got somewhat spiteful and Missus Doc found me some clothes and took me home. I thanked her and pecked her cheek and promised to come back and talk more soon and bid her goodbye and watched her go and then locked the door.
The sheriff and his guys had delivered the gals and there in the laying out room wuz Nancye and Pussy and Sassy.
I locked all the doors so no-one could disturb me and stripped off and put on my apron and then undressed the gals one by one. I dumped their duds in the tub, intending to wash 'em and get 'em back to Madeleine. I knew she'd fix up a little thing like a bullet hole and get yonks outta them threads yet. Besides they wuz awful purty what with them satins and frills and the Taffeta skirts and all. Each gals duds smelled of her. I mean they all smelled of girl, but then they each smelled individual too. Nancye's bo I knew like I knew my own. Sassy hadn't been the cleanest of gals and her's smelled powerful and Pussy's smelled of pussy and I wondered if that was why she was called that way.
I wrestled the dead gals onto my prep table one by one and washed 'em down, the way I do. Sorta personal like and then I lightly oiled 'em and laid 'em out side by side on the mortuary tables. The parlour can only take four deadies at one time so I was pretty near full. I left Nancye for last and spent real time on her. I washed her good and got every one of her orifices super clean and then when I was oilin' her up I spent quality time on her tits and nipples and in and around her pussy. After all, this was where I had planned on being last night. When I'd finished laying out the gals I got nekkid and lay with Nancye. Her bullet hole was like just a pink little eruption in her chest now I'd cleaned it all up and I played with it and thought how it had finished her off and left her lying here in my mortuary, far too young to be truly dead and way too beautiful to be buried in cold, hard ground. I put my hand in Nancye and my other hand in myself and she pleasured me in a way she never had when alive. I loved Nancye and envied her being so still and white and gorgeous and wanting and needing me as I wanted and needed her. After playtime I took her and put her into that cold room I had made Paw buy before his so sad accident. No-one but me would know she was back in here in the bit at the back of the cold room where it looked like jest the back wall if you didn't know where to press.
Nancye looked magical lying on the shelf, nude and just lightly oiled up.
Hee hee, I shouldn't tell you this but.............Jane, you remember Jane, the schoolmarm? She wuz there too. I snuck out and got her just before they actually buried her. Then I fixed her up. She wuz here now, in my cold room. She'd last forever, jest like Nancye. Oh, I luvved Jane, and Nancye. Dunno which I luv more. I wuz too late for Shy Anne and Belle. Ah well, no mind, there'll be more.
The sheriff couldn't find no kinfolks for any of the three dance hall gals and so when I delivered their coffins to the church, they had a service and buried all three. I sweat like a pig all through the service and the burying, lest some-one would open Nancye's coffin and find a sand bag in there. But they didn't.
Now I had Nancye all for myself. I fixed her body up so that it was embalmed and beautiful but not filled with all them guts and stuff like we all are.
I needed a helper at the Deadwood Funeral Parlour, but I needed someone like me, someone I could trust. Doc and Missus Doc was still nosy and if they didn't stop fussin' over me bein' an orphan and all, I might have to do something bad.
But not tonight. Tonight was my night with Nancye.
We woz havin' a date!
Mmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnn, I sure love Nancye!