Posted by Barbanne on April 21, 2001 at 16:38:30:
When Vic first told me the idea for this one I said, "No way!"
But then after I read the script (my speaking part was bigger than usual, mostly they are tiny as its hard to talk when you're dead) I realised that, although the subject was one I don't really consider either funny or entertainment, this film would be so surreal that it couldn't be considered offensive or for that matter taken very seriously.
So I agreed to do it even though I was to take the part of a victim of domestic violence.
I was to be the nagging wife of Dave, a proper horror of a little bitch and she was not going to come to a very nice ending in this story, in fact she was going to come to a yukky end but to tell you more now would spoil everything.
Vic's studio, this was a studio production, was set up to look like three rooms of any suburban house. Lounge, kitchen and bedroom, it all took place in those three rooms.
Dave, the put upon husband, was having a card night with his mates. These were to be played by some of the usual studs. His wife, the shrew, me, was at home and making supper for the boys and being an absolute bitch. I hate, loathe and despise men who use their superior strength to batter their wives, even ones as shitty as the one I was playing, but this story was totally wierd and really gross and only worked with this element to it.
Anyway, so here's how it went.
It was called "The Taming of the Shrew" (with apologies to Will S)
You gotta laugh at those titles of Vic's.
The card table was set up in the lounge room.
The guy's arrived, there were three of them and they were called Ocker, Jacko and Bubba.
(actually they didn't look like Ocker's, Jacko's or Bubba's but like male studs, but they were dressed like yahoos)
Like any card night party for the boys they came armed with heaps of stubbies.
Dave met them at the door and said like, "Hi guys, what's doin'," kidding around stuff and men talk, you know what it's like. Lots of high fives too.
I was sort of draped in the entrance to the kitchen wearing a dress that looked like a short underslip, shiny, satiny material, spaghetti straps and no bra on so that my nipples were prominently obvious where they prodded aggresively at the dress material.
In this film not only am I a bitch, but a slaggy tart as well who screws her old man's best friends.
"Hiya Ock, Jacko, Bubba, yer lookin' good dudes," I say, chewing a wad of something and speaking out of the side of my mouth.
"Lookin' pretty good yerself Barb," says Ocker.
The others look a bit embarrassed.
"Big game tonight?" asks Bubba.
"Better believe it," says Dave.
The boys dump their stubbie slabs on the kitchen table and Dave says, "Could you put those in the fridge darl and get us all a coldie?"
Then he ushers the boys to the table.
"Why'nt you do it yerself?" I say.
"Beg pardon," says Dave.
"I said............., ah fuck it what does it matter what I say," I rip open a slab and start piling stubbies into an already over stocked fridge.
Dave looks like daggers at me.
"I s'pose youse bastards expect me to feed yers as well," I yell from where I am in the kitchen.
"Don't go to no trouble Barb," says Jacko.
"Of course Barbara will do supper guys, don't take any notice of her little jokes." Dave is seething but he is trying to be polite.
I come out of the kitchen with coldies for all in my hands and plonk them down in front of the boys.
"Mind you don't wet the cards Barb," says Dave looking pained.
I am rubbing my tits against Jacko's back and groping Bubba and giving them all a leer I sashay back to the kitchen, my ass wiggling like two ferrets fighting in a sugar bag.
"Cheez," says Dave.
"She's a goer your missus Dave," says Ocker.
"Not that he ever gets the best out of me," I shout.
"Please Barbara," says Dave.
"Need a real man Barb, I'm available," says Bubba and they all laugh. All except Dave that is.
"Barbara and I are quite OK thanks Ocker," says Dave.
"Don't youse believe everything old limp dick tells yer," I shout from the kitchen.
Dave goes really, really red in the face and calls out, "Barbara, what's wrong with you? Bring us some chips and stuff so we can make these GUESTS feel welcome in our house and they can get on with a game of cards which is why they came here!"
I mutter and get down two bowls and slam them onto the sideboard and dump chips in one and peanuts in the other and stomp out and bang them on the table.
"Get us another coldie," says Ocker holding out an empty stubbie.
"Yeah me too," says Bubba holding up his dead marine.
"Another all round Barb............please," says Dave.
"Any other fuckin' thing yer highness's would like?" I say all snippy and pissed off like.
"Yeah we'd like to play cards, so get scarce Barb," says Jacko.
I slam back into the kitchen.
There's a telly in the kitchen and I turn it on real loud and plonk myself onto a chair and start watching.
Pissed right off.
I don't actually see what I am looking at because I am wrapped in my own thoughts.
What's wrong with me?
I love Dave as much as I can love any man. I am reasonably faithful to him and I keep his house neat and tidy and tolerate his friends and try to be a good wife.
But I get full of hatefulness at times like this.
I think it is because I feel left out.
The guys are having a great time and truth be told they don't need me except to heat some food and keep up the supply of grog.
I hate feeling shut out. Its why I carry on the way I do and its why I let all my frustration hang out in really bad behaviour. I have tried going to one of the other guys girlfriend's place on a card night and being with those other sad dames bored my tits off.
I wanna be one of the guys, one of the gang.
But they don't want me.
Maybe if I walked in stark naked and started fingering myself I'd get their attention.
"Turn that fuckin' thing down," yells Ocker.
I turn the telly down like one decibel.
I can hear them muttering.
ER is on the tube and I watch despite myself. Shit I will never go to hospital if I get sick in Chicago. People come in looking not too bad and within seconds they have them tied down and they are intubating them and chem sevening them and redecorating the place and themselves with the poor bugger's blood, buckets of it, and even when some kid comes in to complain of an earache she ends up dying of something unmentionable.
What a shambles.
"Turn the sound down Barb," Dave smiles at me from the doorway. I get up reluctantly and turn it down to just screaming.
Dave deposits some empties on the bench and I pass him four more from the fridge.
I sit and watch the tube but my thoughts are elsewhere.
I am a stupid, bored, under achieving, useless person and worst of all I am a woman.
Bubba goes by on the way to the can.
On the way back I ambush him against the stove and squeeze his balls and pop out one of my tits. He chews on my ear and says, "Later babe. Another time maybe."
"Can we have some food soon Barb."
It is Dave. The stubbies fill the bin and several dozen hands of cards have been played and the evening is going great.
I am seething with misery stoked frustration.
I heat up the oven and dump frozen party pies and pasties and teensy quiches onto it and whang it in and set the timer to twenty minutes.
Did you hear about the guy who asked the waitress for a quicky and when she was just about to smash his conk in the maitre de came over and said, "I think sir is asking for a quiche."
Thinking of that makes me smile.
The timer goes bing and I toss the food onto two serving plates and dump it on the table together with a huge bottle of tomato sauce.
The guys are pissy and merry and Jacko pinches my ass.
"You might ask before you grope me fatso," I say.
"Since when was you particular Barb?"
"I am fuckin' particular enough to prefer humans," I spit at him.
"Jeez you can be a bitch Missus Dave."
"Only when I'm a being made to be a sludgy for creepos."
"Barb you should have gone out." Dave was trying to cool it.
"Gone out! What and sit around with those sad excuses these creeps call girlfriends."
"Watch your mouth girl," said Jacko.
"Oh yeah and who are you to tell me what to do in my own fuckin' house?"
Dave rose from his chair.
"Barb, why don't you go to bed?"
"As if I'd sleep with all this racket going on."
"Racket! That fuckin' television is sending me near deaf."
"Oh yeah, well tough luck buster."
Dave has me by the shoulders and pushes me back into the kitchen.
"Honey, its late and we'll be finishing up soon why don't you lie down."
"Finishing up! You'll still be at it at dawn."
"Barb go to bed. I'm telling you."
"Are you threatening me?"
"Get me another beer." Bubba yells.
"Oh yeah another beer and another beer and another beer," ranting now I turn to the fridge and pull out another beer and throw it at Dave. It misses and crashes to the floor spraying beery foam and broken glass everywhere.
"Now see what you've made me do."
I am bending down picking up shards of glass.
"Barbara, christ you're impossible this evening. What's wrong with you?"
"You! that's what's wrong with me. You! fuckin' you."
"Jeezus you're a bitch!"
"That's right I'm a bitch a fuckin' bitch. Stiff shit mate you married me!"
I have gone too far and Dave raises his hand to strike me.
"Don't you fuckin' touch me. Dont you fuckin' touch me."
"Oh christ," he yells in frustration.
I duck back away from his blow.
His hand is still upraised.
My foot treads on broken glass and I shriek and hop on one foot and slip in beey suds and flail my arms and overbalance and start to fall and flounder trying to stay upright but topple over and.....................................
..............my head slams into the edge of the table cracking the laminated plastic table top and suddenly limp I thump onto the floor like a dead weight.
Dave's cry is filled with anguish.
"Ohmigod," he lunges forward.
I am lying with my satiny dress wet with beer and blood leaking from my head.
(Julie rushes out and makes me look suitably wrecked)
Dave is crouching over me and Jacko, Bubba and Ocker are filling the kitchen doorway.
"Here help me get her into the bedroom," says Dave, "she's knocked herself out."
"Sure you didn't do it Dave?"
"She fell for christ's sake."
"Whatever you say mate."
Dave and Bubba get me up and carry me into the bedroom. I am completely limped out and just dangle.
They lay me out on the bed in the bedroom.
(Julie darts in and makes me look really white and gives me a matted mess of blood in my hair and a monster bruise on my temple.)
Dave massages my wrists and shakes my head. It flops back and forth.
"Barb, Barb wake up."
"Dave do you think she's.............................?"
"Of course not, she's just knocked out."
Bubba feels my wrist and places his fingers at my throat.
"Dave she's got no pulse."
"Dave she's dead."
"She can't be. Call an ambulance, call the cops."
"Dave she's dead and she isn't coming back."
"Call an ambulance I said."
"Dave, an ambulance, the cops, they'll ask who hit her Dave and for them it'll be you."
"Nonsense she fell."
"We didn't see it," They all shake their heads.
"Dave she was a bitch. She deserved it. We'll help you get rid of the body."
"But I love her."
"Dave, she was a bitch and the bitch is dead. We'll get rid of her, make it look like someone else killed her."
"But it was an accident."
"Sure Dave. Jacko take Dave and get the car ready."
Jacko leads Dave out.
Bubba and Ocker remain.
Ocker pushes my dress up until it is scrunched under my chin and armpits.
"She might have been a bitch alive but dead she's just a good root."
Bubba grins at Ocker.
"Who's going to be first."
They laugh. Ocker rips my panties off down around my ankles and climbing onto the bed mounts my corpse.
He grunts to fulfilment.
Bubba goes next. He thumbs my nipples and crushes my breasts and slobbers all over my tummy before rubbing his cock against my pubics until it (his cock) is engorged and dribbling and then, spreading my thighs, he plunges it into me and starts pumping, jabbing and groaning and then releasing his load.
Dave and Jacko return and Dave is horrified at what they have done but despite his disgust he is excited by my deadness. Excited enough that he too joins in the using and despoiling of my newly dead body.
Jacko fucks my corpse and Dave follows.
When he is finished Dave kisses my breast and says, "You know I really did love her."
"Yeah but she was still a shitty little bitch mate," says Jacko.
When they are finally sated they wrap me in a sheet and carry me down and dump me in the boot of Dave's car.
Stopping on a deserted part of the freeway they unwrap me and I lie there in the glow from the car's headlights, almost naked, my shoes on crooked, my panties scrunched into a little ribbon around my ankles and my dress pushed up so that it is wrapped in a bunch across my tits and under my arms. Jacko and Bubba get hold of me, hands under my armpits and around my my feet and lifting me over the guard rail they roll me over the embankment and down and down until I come to rest far below sprawled on my back.
(Vic shoots this at night on a deserted part of the freeway but despite there being no-one around everyone is very furtive about what we are doing and whether we shall get caught, not least me who is out in the open looking naked and ruined.)
A lingering camera shot of me lying on my back with my clothes all skewey and plenty of dirt and scratches on my nude corpse.
(Julie sees to that)
Back at home Dave reports me missing.
The next morning off camera the cops find my battered body and figure that I have gone out cruising and ran into the wrong guy.
The headlines in the paper scream.
WOMAN ABDUCTED, PACK RAPED AND SLAIN!
BODY DUMPED ON FREEWAY.
The cops almost have it right.
Its just that for me staying home was what proved fatal.
The Taming of the Shrew does big business and sells well.
I tell Vic it has social comment and a message and ask will he show it at Cannes.
He says, "Just go home and we'll tell you when we want you again Barb.
Ah well my big part goes unappreciated by the wider world.